you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
