we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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