How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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