i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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