her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
