Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
