dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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