Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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