Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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