Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
