someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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