youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
