when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
