just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
