so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
