I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
