Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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