zippers are such a cool invention
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Terrible idea I love it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
