he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
