I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
