the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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