it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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