the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
