You really coming over, don't trick.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Randomize
