I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
