someone threw a dead crab at me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
