i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
being pregnant is like rehab
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
