So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
