Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
