Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
