Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm always down for nudity.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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