well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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