he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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