Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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