as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
