i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
