You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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