Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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