Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
