Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
BRING THE BAGELS
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
