I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
