I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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