Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We talked him into tasing himself.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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