yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
