We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
