Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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