How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
