K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
