I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
