Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
