I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
